so i finally had a relationship experience.. and i have to say it probably wasnt the best, so why am i so hung up over now since its over? it was only three months of my life.. but the very first three months of my college life..i was happy, i like having someone there.. even though he was not "emotionally" there only physically.. for me that was better than nothing.. i have never had anyone constantly there that really cared about me and wanted to be with me.. thats how it was in the beginning and then it was just downhill from there.. i knew all along it was not the right person for me.. i was just having a good time.. dont get me wrong, i did have strong feelings.. and now that its gone, its even stronger.. that is how it always is though. everyone goes through it and it sucks.. going from one thing to the drastic opposite.. all it takes is time and in the meantime i dont really know what to do.. getting it all out is helping, but jealousy is already taking over.. and the coffee that is keeping me awake at such a late hour. part of me wants to fix it, but i know that if we had to try this hard it wasnt meant to be.. i will not let myself always be the one to go back and try to fix things.. i have done that all my life and it got me absolutely no where.. i am going to try and do things differently from now on.. i think one of my problems is that i have to always make sure things are right and in good condition.. and i hate change so much right now..it could be worse i know.. and i know in the future i will go through an even worse situation than i am in right now..i wish these things didnt have to happen.. all i keep thinking is that if he could have just been a better boyfriend things would have been perfect.. and they would.. he just felt differently, which always seems to be the case with me.. this just all adds to my lack of self-esteem and not liking myself.. i just feel like im not good enough for anyone.. there i go with being emo whateverrrrr..i need to get this out of my fucking head